Check out my more recent blog at lelalosa.blogspot.com. I am in the process of raising support to do a vision trip in Johannesburg, South Africa, which will help me to see where God is working particularly with women in prostitution and helping to get them out of prostitution. LeLaLoSA is the blog that I will be updating.
Thanks.
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Hitting the Wall
The title says it all; there will be times when we hit the wall. I have heard it many times from many missionaries; there will be times that I will want to quit and walk away. It is only by spending time in the Word and alone with God, knowing that I am in the center of His will, that I will have the courage and strength to stay. I experienced this first hand in Greeley, especially while running the homeless teen ministry. There were uncountable numbers of times that I wanted to just give up, quit and leave. God told me that I would be there 2 years and I knew without a doubt that this is where I was to be. He also had told me and confirmed over and over again that I was to lead Lost But Found, had He not I would have hit the door after the first month.
My time in Greeley was the loneliest I have ever had. I had very little support and didn’t really have friends until the last 9 months and even then, I was just getting to really know them. My fibromyalgia was the worst it has ever been and I was sick, tired and in pain all the time. So many times I felt there was no end in sight. I wouldn’t change the fact that I was there for anything. It was during this time of loneliness and lack of support that I truly learned how to lean on God. I learned and grew so much while I was there and I am still doing so now as I continue to process those times.
The biggest lesson I seemed to learn was how to start up, run and lead a ministry. Part of this was through accomplishments and other parts of it were learning what I could have done differently. Before I ran Lost But Found I truly questioned my leadership skills. I knew I could start things up and run an agency; I’ve done it before, but I didn’t know if I had any leadership skills, or if I just wanted to think that I did. I didn’t just doubt myself, but I doubted God’s capabilities. It ends up that God is huge and powerful and anything can happen when He wills and leads it (amazing, isn’t it). Maybe I shouldn’t have, but I needed to be reminded of God’s bigness and see just the beginning of what He can do when I let go of control. These were life-changing lessons.
Granted the ministry was shut down, but I don’t see the days of Lost But Found as a waist or things as a failure. Many parts of Lost But Found are being used, in different aspects, at more than one church and agency. I believe God will still use this to help many homeless teens. I know that God has used it to build the passion within me and bring me to where I am now. The skills I have learned will help me more than I know. I know that I am able to start up the ministry that I am doing now, due to the skills that I have acquired plus, they will help with my next job. Sometimes hitting the wall is the best thing that can happen to us, for it is there that we learn how great and mighty are God truly is.
My time in Greeley was the loneliest I have ever had. I had very little support and didn’t really have friends until the last 9 months and even then, I was just getting to really know them. My fibromyalgia was the worst it has ever been and I was sick, tired and in pain all the time. So many times I felt there was no end in sight. I wouldn’t change the fact that I was there for anything. It was during this time of loneliness and lack of support that I truly learned how to lean on God. I learned and grew so much while I was there and I am still doing so now as I continue to process those times.
The biggest lesson I seemed to learn was how to start up, run and lead a ministry. Part of this was through accomplishments and other parts of it were learning what I could have done differently. Before I ran Lost But Found I truly questioned my leadership skills. I knew I could start things up and run an agency; I’ve done it before, but I didn’t know if I had any leadership skills, or if I just wanted to think that I did. I didn’t just doubt myself, but I doubted God’s capabilities. It ends up that God is huge and powerful and anything can happen when He wills and leads it (amazing, isn’t it). Maybe I shouldn’t have, but I needed to be reminded of God’s bigness and see just the beginning of what He can do when I let go of control. These were life-changing lessons.
Granted the ministry was shut down, but I don’t see the days of Lost But Found as a waist or things as a failure. Many parts of Lost But Found are being used, in different aspects, at more than one church and agency. I believe God will still use this to help many homeless teens. I know that God has used it to build the passion within me and bring me to where I am now. The skills I have learned will help me more than I know. I know that I am able to start up the ministry that I am doing now, due to the skills that I have acquired plus, they will help with my next job. Sometimes hitting the wall is the best thing that can happen to us, for it is there that we learn how great and mighty are God truly is.
Ministry Planning
I found it fascinating to learn that leaders whom are planning oriented tend to plan 2 years at a time. Two years! Who could possibly know what is going to happen two years from now? Those of us whom are not planning oriented only do 1 year at a time and that is only because that is what is required of us. Amen to that! I do like to have a plan on quite a few things (see I’m not as free spirited as some of you think, I have a nerd inside of me, too), it’s just that I prefer to plan a week, maybe a month at a time. Shoot, when you live the life of a nomad it is often hard to see past a month. I do have to admit that there is comfort in planning, though. I do also understand the responsibility of stewardship and learned this even more through my last ministry/job. It is especially important for me to demonstrate credibility to those whom support me.
It seems as if ministry planning combines the previous classes. As in research, it is important learn about the community in which I am doing missions, to discover the missionaries whom are already impacting their community and to draw on what they know. It is also important to learn what the acceptable outreaches are, so that I don’t interfere with my communities values and ways of being able to minister to them. It also draws on my strengths and making sure that I am ministering within at least 60% of them, this way I won’t get burned out or bored. It is also important to draw on areas that aren’t necessarily strengths and may be uncomfortable, but will stretch and grow me, possibly teaching me a new skill or bring out a hidden talent. I do have to acknowledge that though I plan in many areas, there is still a lot of room for growth.
It seems as if ministry planning combines the previous classes. As in research, it is important learn about the community in which I am doing missions, to discover the missionaries whom are already impacting their community and to draw on what they know. It is also important to learn what the acceptable outreaches are, so that I don’t interfere with my communities values and ways of being able to minister to them. It also draws on my strengths and making sure that I am ministering within at least 60% of them, this way I won’t get burned out or bored. It is also important to draw on areas that aren’t necessarily strengths and may be uncomfortable, but will stretch and grow me, possibly teaching me a new skill or bring out a hidden talent. I do have to acknowledge that though I plan in many areas, there is still a lot of room for growth.
Understanding Research
I love, love, love research! Unfortunately, I missed a good chunk of the morning session, because this is a topic close to my heart; I am a researcher at heart, it is one of those things that just flows from me. I will eventually be doing research in communities to find out what the needs of the people are and how we can meet them. I do realize that I am not normal and that most people are not so enthusiastic about research. I think it’s great that Jeanie pointed out how every single one of us do research; about the country we are called to, about the people, through questions that we ask, what we take in as we look around and experience things and so on. This was proven through the exercises that we did in role-playing in the afternoon. It is important for each of us to have a learner’s mentality, especially in the field. I believe it is impossible to truly impact others without having an understanding of the group of people and their culture.
Passion for Ministry
This is another area in which I learned so unbelievably much; I cannot go into detail on everything that I learned. This class was based on Strength Finders and the idea that we focus way to much on each other’s weaknesses and way too little on our strengths. Most things in our life are about improving our weaknesses. Strength Finders points out that it would be much better use of our time to focus on our strengths and start playing to our strengths. Our strengths are able to improve way more than our weaknesses; there is a reason that they are our strengths and our weaknesses.
I realize that this is very hard to grasp and quite un-American; I tried explaining this to people when I got back home and did a very poor job of it. It seems almost impossible for people to understand this concept. I happen to thing it phenomenal and remember thinking “aha” this makes so much more sense. “Free up what’s already in you.”
I had never taken a strengths test before; my top five are: idean, input, command, intellection and woo. You’d have to read the descriptions to really get them, but I think they are pretty accurate. At first I didn’t and was very disappointed in the results; I had expected and wanted other strengths to show up. It really bothered me that three of the five are in the thinking category (the other two are influence), all I kept thinking is “what good is that”. By the end of internship I was quite happy and even excited about my strengths. Hmm, I just realized that I am now doing things here in Colorado Springs that use all five of these gifts; I guess that would explain why I am so excited and happy.
I would like to point out something that I learned during this class; another aha moment. For quite sometime I have not considered myself to be a leader. I have noticed that often I don’t jump into lead if there is someone else to lead. If no one is stepping up, I am pretty quick to step up. I always wondered why I don’t step up right away if I am a leader. Learning about my strengths has revealed this answer; my five strengths together make me a championing personality. This means that I have the ability to champion people and causes; I also love to train leaders, to motivate and to counsel. I love to see others lead and I see no need to lead when others are already are doing so. I also love to start things up, and then train others to step up and take over, then going on to the next project.
I thought that there was something wrong with me, a lack of leadership and a lack of confidences, but it ends up this is just one of my strengths. I also learned that in much of ministry we do not get to see the end results, therefore it is okay to be the one to start things up and not being too focused on the ending. I have also learned from experience that more people are comfortable with taking over something than starting it up. I guess I should be glad that there are people like me in this world. It is just as Jesus said, we are all a part of the body with different functions; without each other we wouldn’t be able to do what we do.
I realize that this is very hard to grasp and quite un-American; I tried explaining this to people when I got back home and did a very poor job of it. It seems almost impossible for people to understand this concept. I happen to thing it phenomenal and remember thinking “aha” this makes so much more sense. “Free up what’s already in you.”
I had never taken a strengths test before; my top five are: idean, input, command, intellection and woo. You’d have to read the descriptions to really get them, but I think they are pretty accurate. At first I didn’t and was very disappointed in the results; I had expected and wanted other strengths to show up. It really bothered me that three of the five are in the thinking category (the other two are influence), all I kept thinking is “what good is that”. By the end of internship I was quite happy and even excited about my strengths. Hmm, I just realized that I am now doing things here in Colorado Springs that use all five of these gifts; I guess that would explain why I am so excited and happy.
I would like to point out something that I learned during this class; another aha moment. For quite sometime I have not considered myself to be a leader. I have noticed that often I don’t jump into lead if there is someone else to lead. If no one is stepping up, I am pretty quick to step up. I always wondered why I don’t step up right away if I am a leader. Learning about my strengths has revealed this answer; my five strengths together make me a championing personality. This means that I have the ability to champion people and causes; I also love to train leaders, to motivate and to counsel. I love to see others lead and I see no need to lead when others are already are doing so. I also love to start things up, and then train others to step up and take over, then going on to the next project.
I thought that there was something wrong with me, a lack of leadership and a lack of confidences, but it ends up this is just one of my strengths. I also learned that in much of ministry we do not get to see the end results, therefore it is okay to be the one to start things up and not being too focused on the ending. I have also learned from experience that more people are comfortable with taking over something than starting it up. I guess I should be glad that there are people like me in this world. It is just as Jesus said, we are all a part of the body with different functions; without each other we wouldn’t be able to do what we do.
Understanding OC Ministry
Passion for Ministry
This is another area in which I learned so unbelievably much; I cannot go into detail on everything that I learned. This class was based on Strength Finders and the idea that we focus way to much on each other’s weaknesses and way too little on our strengths. Most things in our life are about improving our weaknesses. Strength Finders points out that it would be much better use of our time to focus on our strengths and start playing to our strengths. Our strengths are able to improve way more than our weaknesses; there is a reason that they are our strengths and our weaknesses.
I realize that this is very hard to grasp and quite un-American; I tried explaining this to people when I got back home and did a very poor job of it. It seems almost impossible for people to understand this concept. I happen to thing it phenomenal and remember thinking “aha” this makes so much more sense. “Free up what’s already in you.”
I had never taken a strengths test before; my top five are: idean, input, command, intellection and woo. You’d have to read the descriptions to really get them, but I think they are pretty accurate. At first I didn’t and was very disappointed in the results; I had expected and wanted other strengths to show up. It really bothered me that three of the five are in the thinking category (the other two are influence), all I kept thinking is “what good is that”. By the end of internship I was quite happy and even excited about my strengths. Hmm, I just realized that I am now doing things here in Colorado Springs that use all five of these gifts; I guess that would explain why I am so excited and happy.
I would like to point out something that I learned during this class; another aha moment. For quite sometime I have not considered myself to be a leader. I have noticed that often I don’t jump into lead if there is someone else to lead. If no one is stepping up, I am pretty quick to step up. I always wondered why I don’t step up right away if I am a leader. Learning about my strengths has revealed this answer; my five strengths together make me a championing personality. This means that I have the ability to champion people and causes; I also love to train leaders, to motivate and to counsel. I love to see others lead and I see no need to lead when others are already are doing so. I also love to start things up, and then train others to step up and take over, then going on to the next project.
I thought that there was something wrong with me, a lack of leadership and a lack of confidences, but it ends up this is just one of my strengths. I also learned that in much of ministry we do not get to see the end results, therefore it is okay to be the one to start things up and not being too focused on the ending. I have also learned from experience that more people are comfortable with taking over something than starting it up. I guess I should be glad that there are people like me in this world. It is just as Jesus said, we are all a part of the body with different functions; without each other we wouldn’t be able to do what we do.
One of the things that first drew me to OC is their willingness to partner with other churches and desire for a person to be at the right agency for them, not just OC. This understanding that we are all the church, all can make a difference through Christ and that together we can make a bigger impact (hmm, I believe that would be team work). I later was drawn to the fact that OC is about training up leaders; OC is not about being the ones to get the glory and are often not even aware of all their ministry produces. This last part is called servant hood and what I now admire about OC.
I have learned over the years that it is not about numbers, but rather about Christ; only Christ knows whom we are truly reaching. For years people have been trying to get me to focus more on numbers and often show that a ministry without high numbers is not worth having. I do understand that this usually has to do with finances and putting money in the areas that are most productive. But, what about those populations in which are hard to reach and often take more work and have less ‘evidence’ of productivity? Is one or two people not enough; are they not worth helping and ministering to? I think they are.
The value in which I am the most drawn to with OC is that they believe in freedom to see where God is working and to start something up. It is okay to listen to God and follow the leading of the Holy Spirit. We have the freedom to do anything God wants us to do. Being a free spirit whom often hears the voice of God, this truly appeals to me. I so often feel as if churches and ministries get so boggled down by programs and planning that they don’t always leave room to hear from and follow the Holy Spirit. OC doesn’t have a program; they would rather tell God stories than OC stories. Nothing speaks more volumes to our walk with Christ than the way that we walk; witness by example.
This is another area in which I learned so unbelievably much; I cannot go into detail on everything that I learned. This class was based on Strength Finders and the idea that we focus way to much on each other’s weaknesses and way too little on our strengths. Most things in our life are about improving our weaknesses. Strength Finders points out that it would be much better use of our time to focus on our strengths and start playing to our strengths. Our strengths are able to improve way more than our weaknesses; there is a reason that they are our strengths and our weaknesses.
I realize that this is very hard to grasp and quite un-American; I tried explaining this to people when I got back home and did a very poor job of it. It seems almost impossible for people to understand this concept. I happen to thing it phenomenal and remember thinking “aha” this makes so much more sense. “Free up what’s already in you.”
I had never taken a strengths test before; my top five are: idean, input, command, intellection and woo. You’d have to read the descriptions to really get them, but I think they are pretty accurate. At first I didn’t and was very disappointed in the results; I had expected and wanted other strengths to show up. It really bothered me that three of the five are in the thinking category (the other two are influence), all I kept thinking is “what good is that”. By the end of internship I was quite happy and even excited about my strengths. Hmm, I just realized that I am now doing things here in Colorado Springs that use all five of these gifts; I guess that would explain why I am so excited and happy.
I would like to point out something that I learned during this class; another aha moment. For quite sometime I have not considered myself to be a leader. I have noticed that often I don’t jump into lead if there is someone else to lead. If no one is stepping up, I am pretty quick to step up. I always wondered why I don’t step up right away if I am a leader. Learning about my strengths has revealed this answer; my five strengths together make me a championing personality. This means that I have the ability to champion people and causes; I also love to train leaders, to motivate and to counsel. I love to see others lead and I see no need to lead when others are already are doing so. I also love to start things up, and then train others to step up and take over, then going on to the next project.
I thought that there was something wrong with me, a lack of leadership and a lack of confidences, but it ends up this is just one of my strengths. I also learned that in much of ministry we do not get to see the end results, therefore it is okay to be the one to start things up and not being too focused on the ending. I have also learned from experience that more people are comfortable with taking over something than starting it up. I guess I should be glad that there are people like me in this world. It is just as Jesus said, we are all a part of the body with different functions; without each other we wouldn’t be able to do what we do.
One of the things that first drew me to OC is their willingness to partner with other churches and desire for a person to be at the right agency for them, not just OC. This understanding that we are all the church, all can make a difference through Christ and that together we can make a bigger impact (hmm, I believe that would be team work). I later was drawn to the fact that OC is about training up leaders; OC is not about being the ones to get the glory and are often not even aware of all their ministry produces. This last part is called servant hood and what I now admire about OC.
I have learned over the years that it is not about numbers, but rather about Christ; only Christ knows whom we are truly reaching. For years people have been trying to get me to focus more on numbers and often show that a ministry without high numbers is not worth having. I do understand that this usually has to do with finances and putting money in the areas that are most productive. But, what about those populations in which are hard to reach and often take more work and have less ‘evidence’ of productivity? Is one or two people not enough; are they not worth helping and ministering to? I think they are.
The value in which I am the most drawn to with OC is that they believe in freedom to see where God is working and to start something up. It is okay to listen to God and follow the leading of the Holy Spirit. We have the freedom to do anything God wants us to do. Being a free spirit whom often hears the voice of God, this truly appeals to me. I so often feel as if churches and ministries get so boggled down by programs and planning that they don’t always leave room to hear from and follow the Holy Spirit. OC doesn’t have a program; they would rather tell God stories than OC stories. Nothing speaks more volumes to our walk with Christ than the way that we walk; witness by example.
Spiritual Warfare
Boy did I learn a whole lot about Spiritual Warfare this summer! I grew up in an Assemblies of God church and have dealt with demonic forces on numerous accounts, but this was so much more. I personally went through the warfare and had demons cast out of me; I will share my testimony at a later time. As I stated before, I am quite aware of spiritual warfare and that satan is on the prowl. Unfortunately, there are many people whom are not aware of this or even believe that satan exists. That is a whole other topic. As I mentioned in my last article there are satanist praying against the spiritual leaders of our city. Steve mentioned that they have a list of every pastor and they pray against them from midnight until 3 am, if that isn’t spiritual warfare, I don’t know what is.
Some of the key elements that I learned in this class are if we don’t send the demons back to Jesus, when we cast them out, they will find someone else to attach to. This is very important in a deliverance session, because the spirit will attach itself to someone else in the room. It was interesting to learn that when we pray and ask the Holy Spirit to come, but don’t ask specifically for the Holy one, another spirit will most likely come instead. The third thing that I found fascinating was that the sins and spirits that we have dealt with are easily attacked with in a room with someone else that is dealing with this sin. If we are in a room and start struggling with one of the sins that we have already dealt with, then it is most likely because someone else in the room is struggling. I found this to be true very quickly after internship. I had done tons of spiritual clean up and had a very clean Spirit. I immediately felt the spirits of others and could tell what they struggle with (I often do any ways due to the gift of discernment, but it had never been so strong); it wasn’t long before I was once again struggling these same issues.
At first I freaked out and was scared about dealing with the same things over again. I was insistently trying to pray them out and find others to do deliverance once again. After meeting with Steve and Joe, my focus shifted from these struggles and spirits to Christ and His promises. It wasn’t long before the truth shut the door on the enemy. I was reminded of what a Rabbi once told me, that when bankers are trained to identify a counterfeit, they study the real thing not the counterfeit, that way they will know the real thing so well that they will be able to spy a counterfeit immediately.
I wish I could say that I am out of the woods and will never have to experience spiritual warfare again, if I were to believe this I would only be kidding myself. The truth is that there will be warfare all throughout my life, especially in Africa where warfare is even more rampant. I have to be reminded to focus more on Christ and to not worry about the attacks of satan. Every day I have to visually put on the armor of God, for He is the only protection I have from the enemy. I am thankful that we have such a big and powerful God and that through the blood of Jesus Christ we have the power to speak against any spirit that is not of God.
Some of the key elements that I learned in this class are if we don’t send the demons back to Jesus, when we cast them out, they will find someone else to attach to. This is very important in a deliverance session, because the spirit will attach itself to someone else in the room. It was interesting to learn that when we pray and ask the Holy Spirit to come, but don’t ask specifically for the Holy one, another spirit will most likely come instead. The third thing that I found fascinating was that the sins and spirits that we have dealt with are easily attacked with in a room with someone else that is dealing with this sin. If we are in a room and start struggling with one of the sins that we have already dealt with, then it is most likely because someone else in the room is struggling. I found this to be true very quickly after internship. I had done tons of spiritual clean up and had a very clean Spirit. I immediately felt the spirits of others and could tell what they struggle with (I often do any ways due to the gift of discernment, but it had never been so strong); it wasn’t long before I was once again struggling these same issues.
At first I freaked out and was scared about dealing with the same things over again. I was insistently trying to pray them out and find others to do deliverance once again. After meeting with Steve and Joe, my focus shifted from these struggles and spirits to Christ and His promises. It wasn’t long before the truth shut the door on the enemy. I was reminded of what a Rabbi once told me, that when bankers are trained to identify a counterfeit, they study the real thing not the counterfeit, that way they will know the real thing so well that they will be able to spy a counterfeit immediately.
I wish I could say that I am out of the woods and will never have to experience spiritual warfare again, if I were to believe this I would only be kidding myself. The truth is that there will be warfare all throughout my life, especially in Africa where warfare is even more rampant. I have to be reminded to focus more on Christ and to not worry about the attacks of satan. Every day I have to visually put on the armor of God, for He is the only protection I have from the enemy. I am thankful that we have such a big and powerful God and that through the blood of Jesus Christ we have the power to speak against any spirit that is not of God.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
