Each and every one of us has a unique design; not one of us is the same. God has made us all different in order to serve different purposes, His purposes. My unique design was discovered through testing with Myers Briggs, DISC, Strength Finders, Spiritual Gifting and doing life mapping. Then, through evaluating these I was able to understand what each thing meant and specifically what it meant for me. I also learned about how this also makes me different from others.
It may seem that an ENFJ will be the same as the next ENFJ and that an ENFP isn’t that much different. I am an ENFP, two of my teammates were ENFJs and another was an INFJ. Three of us were D personalities and each of us had a few strengths and spiritual gifts that were the same. I was quick to conclude that we therefore were much the same in our thinking, how we learn, react and interact. Thus concluding that how I do each of these things must be how each of them would do it. Boy was I wrong! I was looking at each thing separately instead of putting the whole picture together. It is not possible to separate each part of us, for it all blends together to make up our hard wiring. When you put it all together every single one of us is different.
It is often difficult for me to accept this. I so often want to put each person in a box and figure out how it is that I am supposed to interact with him or her. As an exhorter, I often want to fix others and in my arrogance I often think that looks like how I think and do things. I have a tendency to try to control others and am learning how to give God control with everything, including others. He is working on my insecurities and accepting our ‘uniqueness’. I believe, or maybe it’s hope, that my wanting to control and fix is my way of relating and trying to understand others; it would be much more simple if that looked the way I know. Life is not that simple; there is no formula of how each person works and how we should interact with them. We are much more complex than that! I guess this is why God tells us to treat others with love, respect and the fruits of the Spirit. We aren’t to figure each person out; we will go insane trying and end up more confused than when we started. Instead it is better to reframe and enjoy the uniqueness of each person and how this uniqueness can add to each other’s strengths, help out in our weaknesses and encourage us. How boring it would be if we were all the same; we are much more beautiful in our uniqueness.
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Reframing
Reframing has also been a useful tool. Life is full of hurtful experiences. Many of which I have held on to. Taking the hurtful experiences, picturing it as I see it now and then picturing how God wants me to see it, has helped bring much healing.
It’s very similar to EMDR and Theophostic ministry. With EMDR one listens to a ticking that moves from one ear to another or watches an object move from one side to the other. During this you are focusing on a hurtful issue, while focusing feelings and other things related to this come up and then you focus on each of these things. The idea is that there is more to the hurt than the event itself and once you get to the root of the feeling associated with this event you will no longer have any hurt attached to this memory. You will still remember, but feel nothing. I went through this on numerous things and was promised that this works every time; it worked on each of my issues.
Theophostic is similar to this, but it is giving the issue and hurt to God, allowing Him to speak truth to the lies that you believe about the event. Once God reveals the truth you no longer believe the lie, thus being able to move on and not have it affect other areas in your life. Just as in EMDR, you remember the event, but with no emotion.
Unlike EMDR and Theophostic ministry, reframing seems to be much more direct and a bit quicker to resolve the negative emotion. You do not have to be able to put words to the event or even express exactly how you feel. You just draw, talk about, pray, journal, whatever medium works for you, the experience and how you remember it. It doesn’t even seem to matter how factual it is, just how you perceive it. As you reframe, you release the pain. God then helps us to see the event differently, the way He is seeing it. Now when we see the experience, we feel no pain. This also leads to forgiveness towards any one whom was a part of this or that we just may be angry at due to the event. Sometimes life doesn’t always go the way that we want it to. We cannot always choose what happens to us, but we can choose how we are going to view it. We can hang onto our hurt or we can reframe it and let God hang it in a new and decorative manner. Does this mean that what has happened disappears and we no longer have to remember it? Absolutely not! The past is still the past, it’s just that all of a sudden we are aware that it is the past and we still have a future to look forward to.
It’s very similar to EMDR and Theophostic ministry. With EMDR one listens to a ticking that moves from one ear to another or watches an object move from one side to the other. During this you are focusing on a hurtful issue, while focusing feelings and other things related to this come up and then you focus on each of these things. The idea is that there is more to the hurt than the event itself and once you get to the root of the feeling associated with this event you will no longer have any hurt attached to this memory. You will still remember, but feel nothing. I went through this on numerous things and was promised that this works every time; it worked on each of my issues.
Theophostic is similar to this, but it is giving the issue and hurt to God, allowing Him to speak truth to the lies that you believe about the event. Once God reveals the truth you no longer believe the lie, thus being able to move on and not have it affect other areas in your life. Just as in EMDR, you remember the event, but with no emotion.
Unlike EMDR and Theophostic ministry, reframing seems to be much more direct and a bit quicker to resolve the negative emotion. You do not have to be able to put words to the event or even express exactly how you feel. You just draw, talk about, pray, journal, whatever medium works for you, the experience and how you remember it. It doesn’t even seem to matter how factual it is, just how you perceive it. As you reframe, you release the pain. God then helps us to see the event differently, the way He is seeing it. Now when we see the experience, we feel no pain. This also leads to forgiveness towards any one whom was a part of this or that we just may be angry at due to the event. Sometimes life doesn’t always go the way that we want it to. We cannot always choose what happens to us, but we can choose how we are going to view it. We can hang onto our hurt or we can reframe it and let God hang it in a new and decorative manner. Does this mean that what has happened disappears and we no longer have to remember it? Absolutely not! The past is still the past, it’s just that all of a sudden we are aware that it is the past and we still have a future to look forward to.
Life Mapping
This just may be the greatest tool from the whole summer! I learned about mapping back in elementary school and used it all throughout school, but seemed to have forgotten it as an adult. How on earth could such a thing happen? For one who does not think in a linear fashion, mapping is a great way to get all ones ideas out, sit back look at what was written and see common denominators and how to apply them. Life mapping helps me to focus and be able to put my thoughts into words; I need to remember to use this technique all throughout my life.
The most beneficial part of life mapping was when my team met with Steve for more guidance. By putting my MBTI, DISC, Strengths, Spiritual Gifts, dreams, relational talent and life mission all onto separate life maps, spreading them all out in front of me and noticing common denominators I was able to finaly understand my personality and life purpose; for the first time I saw what God has made me for and why I am the way that I am. Processing this with Steve and my team plus, getting feedback helped to make sense of so many things. I was aware of most of these things separately, but didn’t see how they fit together or that who I am, how I deal with and respond to things, what I can and cannot do are all good. I am exactly the way God wants for me to be; warts, struggles, faults and all.
It is so important for me to understand this. It does not mean that I am perfect, nor do I have permission to stop working on things, but rather that I can accept myself the way I am thus, being more effective in my ministry. By having grace on myself, I am able to have grace on others
The most beneficial part of life mapping was when my team met with Steve for more guidance. By putting my MBTI, DISC, Strengths, Spiritual Gifts, dreams, relational talent and life mission all onto separate life maps, spreading them all out in front of me and noticing common denominators I was able to finaly understand my personality and life purpose; for the first time I saw what God has made me for and why I am the way that I am. Processing this with Steve and my team plus, getting feedback helped to make sense of so many things. I was aware of most of these things separately, but didn’t see how they fit together or that who I am, how I deal with and respond to things, what I can and cannot do are all good. I am exactly the way God wants for me to be; warts, struggles, faults and all.
It is so important for me to understand this. It does not mean that I am perfect, nor do I have permission to stop working on things, but rather that I can accept myself the way I am thus, being more effective in my ministry. By having grace on myself, I am able to have grace on others
First Daughter
Mia believed that she was different than everyone else and that her life would never be normal. Of course this is a lie, but how easy is it for us to believe these things? Though this wasn’t a movie about spiritual warfare, this is such a spiritual warfare issue. The devil wants us to believe that this is true and to keep us divided from the unity of others. Yes, she is different in the fact that she is the President’s daughter and everyone else is not. This is just semantics, we all have areas in which we could say the same thing; I’m an MK, a missionary, am a widow, have a disability, was abused, am dealing with grief or any other issue that appears to separate us from others. It is easy to believe that we are the only ones whom have experienced this and that there is no one else whom can understand. Though one may not understand our exact issue, each of us has something that makes us feel this same way.
She struggled with identity, belonging, knowing what was socially acceptable and popular, wasn’t completely aware of safety and the areas in which she was were different than what is dealt with in ‘real’ life plus, she was put on a pedestal and had the pressure to be perfect. All of these issues are an extension to the issue of being ‘different’. Though there are lies that we believe there is also a lot of truth to these issues. It was true that she didn’t know what was socially acceptable, popular or safe and that people put her on a pedestal with the expectation of being perfect. These things did not make her who she was or keep her from overcoming these obstacles. It is often so easy to allow these issues to make us feel inferior and to oppress us. This is another tactic of the enemy.
I myself have struggled through this issue of being different and feeling that no one does or will understand me, ever. God revealed this lie and proved it to be a lie this summer. I have had a lot happen to me and in my life, much of which I have had little or no control, the most recent struggle being my diagnosis of Fibromyalgia and learning to live a life that looks different than it used to be. There has been much judgment from people in my life and lack of understanding. I had come to believe that because of this I am completely different than others, can’t do what others do and am inferior to them. For the past year, my soul has been screaming out “this is not true”! Therefore, I have been swinging back and forth on a pendulum that never seems to stop. One day I’m helping to change my community, the next I am angry at everyone in it.
Thanks to the help of my Green Team (and Nell, but she’s an extension to the Green Team, even if she is married) and a specific meeting that we had, God’s truth and light has been able to shine through. I let out all these feelings of being different, feeling as if no one understands me and hating myself for the anger that comes out. My team very lovingly and directly, pointed out that I am not the only whom feels this way and each of them shared ways in which they also feel different. They then helped me to process ideas on how I can come to terms with this and find a balance. As hard as this conversation was, it was great to find out that being different, in all actuality, is normal.
She struggled with identity, belonging, knowing what was socially acceptable and popular, wasn’t completely aware of safety and the areas in which she was were different than what is dealt with in ‘real’ life plus, she was put on a pedestal and had the pressure to be perfect. All of these issues are an extension to the issue of being ‘different’. Though there are lies that we believe there is also a lot of truth to these issues. It was true that she didn’t know what was socially acceptable, popular or safe and that people put her on a pedestal with the expectation of being perfect. These things did not make her who she was or keep her from overcoming these obstacles. It is often so easy to allow these issues to make us feel inferior and to oppress us. This is another tactic of the enemy.
I myself have struggled through this issue of being different and feeling that no one does or will understand me, ever. God revealed this lie and proved it to be a lie this summer. I have had a lot happen to me and in my life, much of which I have had little or no control, the most recent struggle being my diagnosis of Fibromyalgia and learning to live a life that looks different than it used to be. There has been much judgment from people in my life and lack of understanding. I had come to believe that because of this I am completely different than others, can’t do what others do and am inferior to them. For the past year, my soul has been screaming out “this is not true”! Therefore, I have been swinging back and forth on a pendulum that never seems to stop. One day I’m helping to change my community, the next I am angry at everyone in it.
Thanks to the help of my Green Team (and Nell, but she’s an extension to the Green Team, even if she is married) and a specific meeting that we had, God’s truth and light has been able to shine through. I let out all these feelings of being different, feeling as if no one understands me and hating myself for the anger that comes out. My team very lovingly and directly, pointed out that I am not the only whom feels this way and each of them shared ways in which they also feel different. They then helped me to process ideas on how I can come to terms with this and find a balance. As hard as this conversation was, it was great to find out that being different, in all actuality, is normal.
To End All Wars
This is the most amazing movie I have seen in a long time. It is such a beautiful portrayal of grace. To be able to show grace in the midst of a POW camp is unbelievable; I’m not sure I could be so big. The prisoners new what it was to live in a grace-based community, one they created their selves. It would be so easy to become like Ian and become full of hate and revenge, but the others chose to be full of grace and love instead. Ernie was an amazing leader and used his abilities to start up a school and teach the fellow prisoners, in hiding. It was even more unbelievable that his teachings were coming from The Bible. What a mighty man to be able to lead by example in spite of his circumstances.
There were so many examples of grace, like when Dusty gave Ernie his rations, so that he could get better and Dusty then got sick because of his grace; when Yanker took the blame for the missing shovel and received the punishment; when Yanker offered water to Ian when working on the RR, in spite of all that Ian had done to him; and the biggest display was how the soldiers had grace on their captors and chose to work harder, because it is the right thing to do.
What transformation of the Japanese captors from the beginning of the movie, to the end. It took my breath away when the leader allowed them to have their Bible back and continue their classes when he noticed the change in the soldiers and how much harder working and respectful they were when they were being taught God’s truths; he even gave them a gift. More amazing was that the Japanese started hanging out with them and wanting to know about their beliefs; unbelievably touching. There is so much for me to learn from this movie. I want to be like this; an example of Christ’s grace and love even to my enemies. This is a struggle for me, but one I am willing to work on. I am greatly encouraged of how one’s life is truly the greatest witnessing tool. The best part of this movie is that it is true. It doesn’t seem possible, but anything is possible with Christ. I wonder how it took so long for a film to be made about this? As far as I am concerned, this is the greatest war story I have ever seen; everyone needs to see this.
There were so many examples of grace, like when Dusty gave Ernie his rations, so that he could get better and Dusty then got sick because of his grace; when Yanker took the blame for the missing shovel and received the punishment; when Yanker offered water to Ian when working on the RR, in spite of all that Ian had done to him; and the biggest display was how the soldiers had grace on their captors and chose to work harder, because it is the right thing to do.
What transformation of the Japanese captors from the beginning of the movie, to the end. It took my breath away when the leader allowed them to have their Bible back and continue their classes when he noticed the change in the soldiers and how much harder working and respectful they were when they were being taught God’s truths; he even gave them a gift. More amazing was that the Japanese started hanging out with them and wanting to know about their beliefs; unbelievably touching. There is so much for me to learn from this movie. I want to be like this; an example of Christ’s grace and love even to my enemies. This is a struggle for me, but one I am willing to work on. I am greatly encouraged of how one’s life is truly the greatest witnessing tool. The best part of this movie is that it is true. It doesn’t seem possible, but anything is possible with Christ. I wonder how it took so long for a film to be made about this? As far as I am concerned, this is the greatest war story I have ever seen; everyone needs to see this.
We Are Marshall
I have to admit I wasn’t too keen on this film. I understand the point was to show us the pain and the grief process that the teammates, family and town went through, but I found it very difficult to feel their pain and as a feeler, this was important to me. We were only shown the members of the crash but for a moment; we were not given an opportunity to connect with them. If I had seen a little more of these team mates and gotten a feel for their personalities, I believe that I would have had true sorrow for their death, as well as those they left behind. Instead I only felt sympathy for them and I believe that this may be due to the fact that it was an actual event; had it not been I’m not sure I would have felt a whole lot.
I loved the line where Red told Nate that he’s done enough and also the look of relief on Nate’s face after he heard this. This made me think of my family and how, my whole life, I have felt responsible for them. This is partially due to much responsibility being put onto me at a young age and having parents whom constantly point out that us children, especially me, are responsible for my parents actions and feelings, the effects of these actions and feelings, my siblings, foster siblings and so on. I also, am responsible for this feeling of codependency; I am 30 years old and am responsible for myself and how I enable others. On the other hand my siblings and parents are adults and are also responsible for themselves and how they enable each other. I am not so powerful as to hold my family together or to protect them. I found this out first hand upon my return to Colorado Springs. I have been awfully arrogant to think that I impact them that much.
I loved the story behind the story and that though it is about football, it’s not about football. It’s about the healing of a town; more than that, it’s about teamwork, both on the field and off. As each person tried to deal with their suffering alone, they became self focused, selfish, angry and mean. Once they looked past their selves and what they went through and noticed that they all went through this, they were able to look past circumstances and towards the future. Coach Jack was such a crucial part of this, which had a lot to do with the fact that he was not from there and it was not personal for him. More of this had to do with his personality and his willingness to let them hurt, but push them to heal. He was treated quite poorly and often the target for the towns anger, yet in his compassion he stayed and kept fighting for them. He taught them the true meaning of teamwork and how together we accomplish more.
I loved the line where Red told Nate that he’s done enough and also the look of relief on Nate’s face after he heard this. This made me think of my family and how, my whole life, I have felt responsible for them. This is partially due to much responsibility being put onto me at a young age and having parents whom constantly point out that us children, especially me, are responsible for my parents actions and feelings, the effects of these actions and feelings, my siblings, foster siblings and so on. I also, am responsible for this feeling of codependency; I am 30 years old and am responsible for myself and how I enable others. On the other hand my siblings and parents are adults and are also responsible for themselves and how they enable each other. I am not so powerful as to hold my family together or to protect them. I found this out first hand upon my return to Colorado Springs. I have been awfully arrogant to think that I impact them that much.
I loved the story behind the story and that though it is about football, it’s not about football. It’s about the healing of a town; more than that, it’s about teamwork, both on the field and off. As each person tried to deal with their suffering alone, they became self focused, selfish, angry and mean. Once they looked past their selves and what they went through and noticed that they all went through this, they were able to look past circumstances and towards the future. Coach Jack was such a crucial part of this, which had a lot to do with the fact that he was not from there and it was not personal for him. More of this had to do with his personality and his willingness to let them hurt, but push them to heal. He was treated quite poorly and often the target for the towns anger, yet in his compassion he stayed and kept fighting for them. He taught them the true meaning of teamwork and how together we accomplish more.
You Are Special
The first film that we watched was a short, animated film by Max Lucado called "You Are Special".
What a great little film! It really resonated with me; I have a star personality, meaning that I like recognition and to be better at things than others. I tend to want to collect as many stars as possible, often looking to do things bigger and better than other people. In spite of, or maybe because of this, the inevitable gray dots seem to really bother me. No matter how many stars that I get, the gray ones seem to stand out the most. I feel as if they are the most noticeable and probably lead me to work harder to obtain more stars. I hate the gray dots; they seem to scar me, making me less attractive, desirable and not a worthy person.
These gray dots highlight my weaknesses. I find it way too easy to focus on these weaknesses, which makes it way too easy for the enemy to convince me what a terrible person I am. After being diagnosed with Fibromyalgia it wasn’t long before I started to compare what I used to be able to do with what I am no longer able to do. Inspite of the fact that God was still doing a lot in and through my life, I started to feel as if I was worthless. It sure seemed to me that everyone else felt this way as well. It would only take a few, strong and opinionated people to make a statement such as “you’re lazy”, “you make a lot of excuses”, “if you would just get up and exercise, or do more, you’d be fine”, “you’re weak”, “it’s not as bad as you say it is” and so on, for me to quickly think “maybe they’re right”. I had forgotten who I was in Christ and worried about what others thought of me.
Why is it that the stars, which are often my strengths, but mostly what I try to do, seem to fade so quickly? No matter how hard I try, there is always someone who does more or is better than me. I can never do enough or be good enough or help enough people. Eventually I became so torn with my passion for people and ministry and wondered “what is the point in even trying when it is never enough”?
Odd isn’t it, that both the gray dots and the stars are equally sinful? When we focus on the gray dots we are focused on what we can’t do and when we are focused on the stars we are focused on what we should be doing. Both are focused on what others think of us and both are very self-centered. Neither is focused on Christ; we have gone from looking vertically to looking horizontally. How easy it is for this focus to shift.
It was no accident that God brought me here when He did and that just as I was starting to stop caring about anyone or anything, because I had started to believe the lies of satan, once again, He reached out in His infinite love for me and pursuit of my heart, mind and soul. I am so glad that this was the first film we watched, because it reminds me that no one, no matter their opinion of me, can fill the void of Jesus and my worth in Him. In His eyes I am already a big star, no matter what I do, or don’t do!I thank God for His grace that sees my weaknesses as well as my strengths, that in His eyes my weaknesses are not a negative thing that has to be overcome, that my strengths are not something to show off or a way to attempt perfection, but that both are gifts from Him that belong to Him and make me the unique person that I am. And that this is good.
What a great little film! It really resonated with me; I have a star personality, meaning that I like recognition and to be better at things than others. I tend to want to collect as many stars as possible, often looking to do things bigger and better than other people. In spite of, or maybe because of this, the inevitable gray dots seem to really bother me. No matter how many stars that I get, the gray ones seem to stand out the most. I feel as if they are the most noticeable and probably lead me to work harder to obtain more stars. I hate the gray dots; they seem to scar me, making me less attractive, desirable and not a worthy person.
These gray dots highlight my weaknesses. I find it way too easy to focus on these weaknesses, which makes it way too easy for the enemy to convince me what a terrible person I am. After being diagnosed with Fibromyalgia it wasn’t long before I started to compare what I used to be able to do with what I am no longer able to do. Inspite of the fact that God was still doing a lot in and through my life, I started to feel as if I was worthless. It sure seemed to me that everyone else felt this way as well. It would only take a few, strong and opinionated people to make a statement such as “you’re lazy”, “you make a lot of excuses”, “if you would just get up and exercise, or do more, you’d be fine”, “you’re weak”, “it’s not as bad as you say it is” and so on, for me to quickly think “maybe they’re right”. I had forgotten who I was in Christ and worried about what others thought of me.
Why is it that the stars, which are often my strengths, but mostly what I try to do, seem to fade so quickly? No matter how hard I try, there is always someone who does more or is better than me. I can never do enough or be good enough or help enough people. Eventually I became so torn with my passion for people and ministry and wondered “what is the point in even trying when it is never enough”?
Odd isn’t it, that both the gray dots and the stars are equally sinful? When we focus on the gray dots we are focused on what we can’t do and when we are focused on the stars we are focused on what we should be doing. Both are focused on what others think of us and both are very self-centered. Neither is focused on Christ; we have gone from looking vertically to looking horizontally. How easy it is for this focus to shift.
It was no accident that God brought me here when He did and that just as I was starting to stop caring about anyone or anything, because I had started to believe the lies of satan, once again, He reached out in His infinite love for me and pursuit of my heart, mind and soul. I am so glad that this was the first film we watched, because it reminds me that no one, no matter their opinion of me, can fill the void of Jesus and my worth in Him. In His eyes I am already a big star, no matter what I do, or don’t do!I thank God for His grace that sees my weaknesses as well as my strengths, that in His eyes my weaknesses are not a negative thing that has to be overcome, that my strengths are not something to show off or a way to attempt perfection, but that both are gifts from Him that belong to Him and make me the unique person that I am. And that this is good.
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