I appreciate that single life was presented as a gift, not a ‘disease’. So often people act as if being single is the worst possible thing; I beg to differ. Even though I do want to eventually be married and have a family, I have come to terms with singleness. I believe that I have learned so much about myself that I may not have were I to still be married. I appreciate that OC finds it important to let marrieds know the needs of singles. It was great to break off into groups and have the singles discuss what they wish married people knew and then have the married people discuss the advantages of having a single person on the team.
I appreciate that OC views us as a person with a life and acknowledges that we don’t necessarily have more time than someone whom is married. I really appreciate Diane pointing out that we as singles need a listening ear at times. Married people usually have their spouses to talk through things with; it’s important to get another perspective at times. Opposite of family life, I think it’s important for families to remember to include a single person at times.
I agree that as a single, often my greatest enemy is self-pity; that and loneliness. It is my responsibility to make my needs known and not just expect others to know and meet them. It is also important for me to remember that not all of my needs will be met. I really think that this is true of all people, not just singles. Even in marriage we have to make our needs known and realize that our spouse cannot meet all of our needs.
The most important thing for me to have heard was that I need to allow couples to do the things for me that I am wanting and asking them to do, without feeling bad or like a mooch. I can often be too independent and don’t always like others to do things for me, yet I can get frustrated that I am having to do so much on my own; a bit of an oxymoron. I already have to put this into practice as I am hunting for a job and need assistance from others. I have a feeling this will be an ongoing process as a missionary; I will have to get used to having to ask for support from others and allowing them to support me. It is a good, humbling experience.
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Family Life
Even though I don’t have my own family as of yet, I think it very important to be prepared as to how I want my family life to look and to know my values. Deanne and Jeff did a great job of relaying the needs of MKs and the challenges of raising kids in the field. I love that OC puts family first and that it is better to ‘cheat’ your job than your family, if you have to. Family is our first responsibility and main one that God has given us, anything else is extra; even on the mission field. It’s so easy for us to justify putting our ministry first, because it is in the name of God. I know many people whom do just that.
I can see how this could be an issue for both males and females. I can also foresee myself struggling with this once I have a family. I imagine that it will be difficult to change my focus and maybe even give up aspects of my ministry in order to raise my children. This is why I believe it is probably better to know this value ahead of time, so that this value is more important than what I am giving up. Besides I will be gaining bushels and bushels, as well.
I found it helpful to learn how difficult it is for MKs to move and to have to go on furlough and travel a lot. We tend to put a lot of pressure on MKs to be perfect and also forget how difficult transition is. I agree that it is important to talk them through the transition, be there for them, not freak out when they come to me and allow them to make mistakes.
As a single, it was important to be reminded that it is easy to bombard a family. As with anything, it is good to have my emotional needs met by more than one person or family and even more important to allow God to meet those needs. It is also important to allow families to have family time. One day I will want singles to respect me in this same manner.
I can see how this could be an issue for both males and females. I can also foresee myself struggling with this once I have a family. I imagine that it will be difficult to change my focus and maybe even give up aspects of my ministry in order to raise my children. This is why I believe it is probably better to know this value ahead of time, so that this value is more important than what I am giving up. Besides I will be gaining bushels and bushels, as well.
I found it helpful to learn how difficult it is for MKs to move and to have to go on furlough and travel a lot. We tend to put a lot of pressure on MKs to be perfect and also forget how difficult transition is. I agree that it is important to talk them through the transition, be there for them, not freak out when they come to me and allow them to make mistakes.
As a single, it was important to be reminded that it is easy to bombard a family. As with anything, it is good to have my emotional needs met by more than one person or family and even more important to allow God to meet those needs. It is also important to allow families to have family time. One day I will want singles to respect me in this same manner.
Integration Into Team
It is a little frustrating to realize that no matter how much I know about working in team or how well I do it, doesn’t mean that I will be integrated. There will still be times and situations in which I will have a different desire, be at a different place in life and just not mesh as well with personalities on my team. This is true all throughout life, but I guess I had hoped it would be different on the mission field. In my mind I would go to Mozambique, meet my team, get to know them, become friends and all live happily ever after; at least within the team. Here ends the fairy tale.
In real life some people are introverts and others are extraverts, some prefer to play sports and others prefer to read, some enjoy going out to eat others enjoy cooking, some are married others are single, some are American others are Mozambiquean; we are different (shock I know). It ends up that just because I am single doesn’t mean that I will be invited to holidays; I may have to spend the holiday alone. How depressing that is, but I might as well accept that now. I can either be sad, or prepared.
I also know that there will be some integration; it is pretty rare to not get close to and become friends with anyone on a team. I know that God will bless me with the friends that He Himself has picked out for me. Plus, I enjoy down time and time to myself, so being at home by myself isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It’s good to have balance.
In real life some people are introverts and others are extraverts, some prefer to play sports and others prefer to read, some enjoy going out to eat others enjoy cooking, some are married others are single, some are American others are Mozambiquean; we are different (shock I know). It ends up that just because I am single doesn’t mean that I will be invited to holidays; I may have to spend the holiday alone. How depressing that is, but I might as well accept that now. I can either be sad, or prepared.
I also know that there will be some integration; it is pretty rare to not get close to and become friends with anyone on a team. I know that God will bless me with the friends that He Himself has picked out for me. Plus, I enjoy down time and time to myself, so being at home by myself isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It’s good to have balance.
Conflict Resolution
I don’t have enough time to go into all that I learned and have processed due to our class on conflict resolution. I am so grateful for this class, especially having just come out of two very conflicting situations where I hadn’t dealt with the conflict in a very positive manner. It was helpful to see how we tend to react in conflict, as well as the Godly way to deal with it. I especially found the stages of conflict to be beneficial. It is good to notice conflict arising before it gets out of hand and becomes a war.
I am still unsure of how to deal with conflict in a healthy manner when the other person isn’t dealing with it in a healthy manner. In some cases I can get away from the situation and not have to deal with it when they won’t work on it with me. In my friendships and with the many people I know and love, I am able to step away and then come back and work through it. But, in other cases, with people whom remain in my life, it is not this easy. Whether it be a boss, a co-worker, a roommate, a relative or someone else you just can’t get away from, how do you still respond in a Godly manner? I can’t force them to talk about it, work through things, compromise or even be willing to talk with a third party, so then what? Do I just ignore it? I know I work through my end of things still, but how do you then become reconciled?
I am learning how to walk away or end a conversation when it escalates and becomes inappropriate. Sometimes it’s just not that easy. How do you walk away from a boss whom won’t stop yelling at you or pointing out how terrible you are? How many times do you just find another job or another roommate? That can become an issue in itself. I guess I am having to still learn how to deal with difficult people. I know they are everywhere; I can be one myself at times. I am grateful to at least know how to resolve conflict with others whom are willing.
I am still unsure of how to deal with conflict in a healthy manner when the other person isn’t dealing with it in a healthy manner. In some cases I can get away from the situation and not have to deal with it when they won’t work on it with me. In my friendships and with the many people I know and love, I am able to step away and then come back and work through it. But, in other cases, with people whom remain in my life, it is not this easy. Whether it be a boss, a co-worker, a roommate, a relative or someone else you just can’t get away from, how do you still respond in a Godly manner? I can’t force them to talk about it, work through things, compromise or even be willing to talk with a third party, so then what? Do I just ignore it? I know I work through my end of things still, but how do you then become reconciled?
I am learning how to walk away or end a conversation when it escalates and becomes inappropriate. Sometimes it’s just not that easy. How do you walk away from a boss whom won’t stop yelling at you or pointing out how terrible you are? How many times do you just find another job or another roommate? That can become an issue in itself. I guess I am having to still learn how to deal with difficult people. I know they are everywhere; I can be one myself at times. I am grateful to at least know how to resolve conflict with others whom are willing.
Grace Based Community
Dave and Debbie did such a great job of presenting this. I completely agree that nobody needs the Gospels quite like missionaries. I think it is very important for me to remember that, because it is easy to think that I have it all figured out and that it is just my responsibility to bring the Gospel to others. It is first and foremost my responsibility to nourish myself, so that I am able to give to others. This whole study reminded me of my worth and place in Christ.
This is another area that God has been working on for awhile. When you spend most of your years hearing that you are not good enough; that you need to work harder, do more and be better; that you can’t do this or that; and are put into a box in which you are not allowed to get out of, it takes quite a lot to start believing the good things and that you can have more. I have gone through other studies on being a child of God instead of an orphan, it sticks for a while, but then I seem to forget. It obviously hasn’t reached my heart, but God intends to change that for this topic seems to keep coming up. Even now, I can’t get away from it. At first I intended to take a class on this and am now finding myself teaching a class on this. How did that happen? I may be the least qualified to teach this, but I know that by teaching something you really have to get it to be any good at teaching it. I think God may have a plan. I’m so glad that He does I know that I am a child of God and that with this comes many inheritances. I want to believe it, as well. I want to start acknowledging God’s promises and start accepting them. I am sick of having my emotions attached to what others think of me; it’s time that I put them where they belong, with Christ. It is only with Him that there is stability and safety. It is time to get off of the roller coaster.
This is another area that God has been working on for awhile. When you spend most of your years hearing that you are not good enough; that you need to work harder, do more and be better; that you can’t do this or that; and are put into a box in which you are not allowed to get out of, it takes quite a lot to start believing the good things and that you can have more. I have gone through other studies on being a child of God instead of an orphan, it sticks for a while, but then I seem to forget. It obviously hasn’t reached my heart, but God intends to change that for this topic seems to keep coming up. Even now, I can’t get away from it. At first I intended to take a class on this and am now finding myself teaching a class on this. How did that happen? I may be the least qualified to teach this, but I know that by teaching something you really have to get it to be any good at teaching it. I think God may have a plan. I’m so glad that He does I know that I am a child of God and that with this comes many inheritances. I want to believe it, as well. I want to start acknowledging God’s promises and start accepting them. I am sick of having my emotions attached to what others think of me; it’s time that I put them where they belong, with Christ. It is only with Him that there is stability and safety. It is time to get off of the roller coaster.
TNT Games
Everyone should get the opportunity to experience TNT Games at least once in their lifetime; especially with a dynamite team like the Green Team. This was a very fun, challenging, nerve wrecking and upsetting experience. I can’t believe you guys purposely set it up for us to push each others buttons and have conflict! I guess that is bound to happen when you put 3 Ds together and add competition. It was actually so much fun figuring out the puzzles and problems.
I was very impressed with how well our team worked together, especially when we were still getting to know each other. We knew going in that we were going to be very competitive and each of us had a tendency to want to lead, so we made a pact to not be so focused on winning, but rather on still liking each other at the end of the week. In spite of one difficulty, we accomplished just this. What is the one difficulty, you might ask?
Well, there was one game in which we had figured out the puzzle, but were told we hadn’t. We would have been in second place instead, we ended up in last place, earning 500 more points less than we would have. (Just because we weren’t focused on winning, doesn’t mean we weren’t competitive.) Not only did I feel gypped, but I also felt as if the response from others wasn’t very compassionate; my fellow teammates were also hurt. We had to stay after and debrief, then work on it on our own and then still talk about it. This affected our next game a lot, especially when it was brought up right before our next game, bringing back hurt feelings. I can’t speak for my teammates, but I felt defeated and didn’t see much purpose in trying any more (I guess I was more focused on winning than I wanted to admit). I had a horrible attitude and it came out in my game; not very sportsman like. I think we had to debrief that game even more than the previous. This was the second to last game, but we meant what we said and wanted to end liking each other, which included liking everyone else, as well. Once we figured out the points (so we’re Ds, we can’t help it) and realized that it wasn’t possible for us to win, all of a sudden winning didn’t matter. Our attitudes did. It also helped that we were paired with the team we were competing with and had to work together. I guess you could call this our ‘magic line’ because we not only finished our last game triumphantly, but we liked each other more than we had when we had started the games at the beginning of the week.
I was very impressed with how well our team worked together, especially when we were still getting to know each other. We knew going in that we were going to be very competitive and each of us had a tendency to want to lead, so we made a pact to not be so focused on winning, but rather on still liking each other at the end of the week. In spite of one difficulty, we accomplished just this. What is the one difficulty, you might ask?
Well, there was one game in which we had figured out the puzzle, but were told we hadn’t. We would have been in second place instead, we ended up in last place, earning 500 more points less than we would have. (Just because we weren’t focused on winning, doesn’t mean we weren’t competitive.) Not only did I feel gypped, but I also felt as if the response from others wasn’t very compassionate; my fellow teammates were also hurt. We had to stay after and debrief, then work on it on our own and then still talk about it. This affected our next game a lot, especially when it was brought up right before our next game, bringing back hurt feelings. I can’t speak for my teammates, but I felt defeated and didn’t see much purpose in trying any more (I guess I was more focused on winning than I wanted to admit). I had a horrible attitude and it came out in my game; not very sportsman like. I think we had to debrief that game even more than the previous. This was the second to last game, but we meant what we said and wanted to end liking each other, which included liking everyone else, as well. Once we figured out the points (so we’re Ds, we can’t help it) and realized that it wasn’t possible for us to win, all of a sudden winning didn’t matter. Our attitudes did. It also helped that we were paired with the team we were competing with and had to work together. I guess you could call this our ‘magic line’ because we not only finished our last game triumphantly, but we liked each other more than we had when we had started the games at the beginning of the week.
Whitewater Rafting
Whitewater rafting; do I really need to say more? Ok, maybe I do. I have been rafting many, many times, I have even been on 4s and 5s; none of the times compare to this one! This year was one of the most dangerous ever (I enjoyed that), due to waters being at an all time high. The levels are normally something like 150, whatever they measure it at, and this year it was up to 400 and something, when we went it was at 380. This makes the waters very fast; what is normally a 3-hour trip ended up being an hour and ½. This also ups the danger of it and chances of tipping, being thrown out (just ask some of the other protégés) and even drowning. I had been down that route before, but this year it was much different. What is normally 3s now became 3s and 4s; a rapid that is usually simple became almost non-existent and a rapid that is a little more difficult became much more difficult and very flippen scary (I haven’t been afraid on a rapid in decades).
You may ask “why whitewater rafting”? We’re training to be missionaries right? So what does rafting have to do with anything? I thought it was to give us a break from work and emotional drama being brought up (not all of my teammates would agree with the idea of this being a break). Not with Steve as our facilitator! It was soon apparent that everything has much deeper meaning and had a lesson involved. And you all thought you were supporting me to sit back, relax, eat gourmet food, camp all summer and have adventure! Wrong! We actually had to work and boy did we; shoot, it’s the 11th of September and we are still working. I am glad though, cause I am not the same now as I was a few months ago. Can we all say AMEN?!
Ok, back to whitewater rafting… Once encouraged to, I actually learned a lot from this experience. The first thing I learned was of my fellow protégés courage and willingness to try something that they never, ever wanted to try. Rebecca’s courage was especially admirable, for she was the most afraid. It was great to see this and to have a whole new respect for my fellow teammate. Being the first day of ‘teamwork’, this was especially useful. My Green Team didn’t only show courage, but the ability to support, encourage and uplift each other.
That brings me to the other big thing that I learned – teamwork. Each of our rafts was a team; we had to work together, listen to each other, follow guidance, put aside what we believed to be better, trust the leader and his knowledge as well as the fact that the other teammates would also do their part. It wasn’t just a matter of choosing to work together, we had to; our lives depended on it. The most interesting thing to me was that I didn’t even realize that I was working as a team. It may seem obvious, but I was much too excited and focused on the task to notice.
Why is it that it is much easier to submit and work together when it is fun and exciting than any other time, especially for me? Does that mean that life should just be this way (if only) and then it would be that much easier? Sure that sounds great, but the excitement would eventually wear off and I would probably be exhausted. Then I would be where I am now. I guess it would just be better to learn how to let go and trust God; even in the circumstances where I don’t necessarily agree with the way things are going. Whonuu whitewater rafting could be so educational?
You may ask “why whitewater rafting”? We’re training to be missionaries right? So what does rafting have to do with anything? I thought it was to give us a break from work and emotional drama being brought up (not all of my teammates would agree with the idea of this being a break). Not with Steve as our facilitator! It was soon apparent that everything has much deeper meaning and had a lesson involved. And you all thought you were supporting me to sit back, relax, eat gourmet food, camp all summer and have adventure! Wrong! We actually had to work and boy did we; shoot, it’s the 11th of September and we are still working. I am glad though, cause I am not the same now as I was a few months ago. Can we all say AMEN?!
Ok, back to whitewater rafting… Once encouraged to, I actually learned a lot from this experience. The first thing I learned was of my fellow protégés courage and willingness to try something that they never, ever wanted to try. Rebecca’s courage was especially admirable, for she was the most afraid. It was great to see this and to have a whole new respect for my fellow teammate. Being the first day of ‘teamwork’, this was especially useful. My Green Team didn’t only show courage, but the ability to support, encourage and uplift each other.
That brings me to the other big thing that I learned – teamwork. Each of our rafts was a team; we had to work together, listen to each other, follow guidance, put aside what we believed to be better, trust the leader and his knowledge as well as the fact that the other teammates would also do their part. It wasn’t just a matter of choosing to work together, we had to; our lives depended on it. The most interesting thing to me was that I didn’t even realize that I was working as a team. It may seem obvious, but I was much too excited and focused on the task to notice.
Why is it that it is much easier to submit and work together when it is fun and exciting than any other time, especially for me? Does that mean that life should just be this way (if only) and then it would be that much easier? Sure that sounds great, but the excitement would eventually wear off and I would probably be exhausted. Then I would be where I am now. I guess it would just be better to learn how to let go and trust God; even in the circumstances where I don’t necessarily agree with the way things are going. Whonuu whitewater rafting could be so educational?
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