Hitting the Wall

The title says it all; there will be times when we hit the wall. I have heard it many times from many missionaries; there will be times that I will want to quit and walk away. It is only by spending time in the Word and alone with God, knowing that I am in the center of His will, that I will have the courage and strength to stay. I experienced this first hand in Greeley, especially while running the homeless teen ministry. There were uncountable numbers of times that I wanted to just give up, quit and leave. God told me that I would be there 2 years and I knew without a doubt that this is where I was to be. He also had told me and confirmed over and over again that I was to lead Lost But Found, had He not I would have hit the door after the first month.
My time in Greeley was the loneliest I have ever had. I had very little support and didn’t really have friends until the last 9 months and even then, I was just getting to really know them. My fibromyalgia was the worst it has ever been and I was sick, tired and in pain all the time. So many times I felt there was no end in sight. I wouldn’t change the fact that I was there for anything. It was during this time of loneliness and lack of support that I truly learned how to lean on God. I learned and grew so much while I was there and I am still doing so now as I continue to process those times.
The biggest lesson I seemed to learn was how to start up, run and lead a ministry. Part of this was through accomplishments and other parts of it were learning what I could have done differently. Before I ran Lost But Found I truly questioned my leadership skills. I knew I could start things up and run an agency; I’ve done it before, but I didn’t know if I had any leadership skills, or if I just wanted to think that I did. I didn’t just doubt myself, but I doubted God’s capabilities. It ends up that God is huge and powerful and anything can happen when He wills and leads it (amazing, isn’t it). Maybe I shouldn’t have, but I needed to be reminded of God’s bigness and see just the beginning of what He can do when I let go of control. These were life-changing lessons.
Granted the ministry was shut down, but I don’t see the days of Lost But Found as a waist or things as a failure. Many parts of Lost But Found are being used, in different aspects, at more than one church and agency. I believe God will still use this to help many homeless teens. I know that God has used it to build the passion within me and bring me to where I am now. The skills I have learned will help me more than I know. I know that I am able to start up the ministry that I am doing now, due to the skills that I have acquired plus, they will help with my next job. Sometimes hitting the wall is the best thing that can happen to us, for it is there that we learn how great and mighty are God truly is.